Anne Marie Williams (Marie)
14th June 1954 – 24th May 2019
Bournemouth Crematorium – 10th June 2019 at 1:30pm
Service conducted by Rob Hazell, Independent Celebrant
“A World Of Our Own” by The Seekers
Marie always liked The Seekers, and that song, “A World Of Our Own”, takes on a special poignancy for her and Hugh on such an important day like this… a sad and reluctant one for all of us to face, but perhaps especially a huge turning point for him after more than thirty years together…
Thirty years which were filled with love worth-the-wait when Marie looked after Hugh, Hugh looked after Marie, they got through difficult times together to make the very best of the good, and they travelled the globe as they made ‘a world of their own’…
And although we’ll always wish we could turn the clock back a little over a year and change what came to be, we know Marie’s friends and family wouldn’t swap the happiness she gave us while she was here for anything… and this is our time to look back at some good memories, more music to play and photos to see, and to make Marie as proud of her almost 65 years as much as we’re proud to have shared some of them…
And in fact there is one person who shared nine extra months with Marie even before she’d made her appearance, because it was on Monday 14th June 1954 that Bill and Mary Jones announced the arrival of not only their second daughter, but also their third…
Mary had been told they were going to have “more than one baby”, so precautions were taken with her going from home in Ilkeston to the main hospital in Nottingham seven miles away… Suzanne arrived first at a bouncing 8lb 8ozs, and there was a ten-minute wait for little 4lb Anne Marie to make the family complete…
Because the twins were the new little sisters for Carol Anne, and yet with that thread of Annes in their names – Carol Anne, Suzanne and Anne Marie – Anne Marie became known as Marie from the start…
The family of five moved from Ilkeston to Belper with dad Bill’s police work when Marie and Suzanne were five, and it was there at Christmas of the following year that Marie barricaded the door of their shared bedroom with chairs because she didn’t want a strange man called Santa coming in at night… with a compromise eventually agreed with the eager Sue that they’d leave pillowcases out on the landing…
With Carol 6½ years older than Marie and Sue, she was often the teenager in charge of the twins when Mum and Dad went out… although it was when they were about ten and Carol was upstairs that they decided they were cold and should light a fire… getting it to draw as they’d seen the grown-ups do with a page of newspaper in front of the grate, but it caught fire, a flaming piece broke off and fell on the snoozing dog Vicky, and with his fur singeing and Marie and Sue running to get cups of water to throw over him, Carol came down to all the commotion, helped clear up and did back the girls up when their parents came home – with Vicky’s bald patch clear to see.
Marie and Suzanne had started school in Belper - Marie always up first in the mornings and worrying about Sue getting the bus with her on time - and they would be in the same class as each other all the way through to leaving at 16 after O-Levels… and that was also shared since junior school when they met Margaret and became an inseparable trio of best friends.
Marie was good at sports and threw the javelin and discus, and she, Sue and Margaret all did a secretarial course at the Commercial Form part of school when they were 15 and 16… all three also leaving at the same time to do office jobs at different companies with Marie starting in the hosiery and stockings factory of Brettles in Belper, ending up in the wages department.
Life moved on with Marie living up in Scotland and back down to Leicestershire, before settling and working in the Tesco Distribution Centre in Crick in Northamptonshire… and it was after Hugh Williams had joined the same place and got an office there having already noticed Marie several times during his visits, that one of the secretaries knew the two of them were ready for new starts of romance… and with her keen on star signs and confident the Gemini Marie would be a perfect match for the Sagittarian Hugh, she told him that he should ask Marie out for a drink, and told Marie she should go…
And with that advice taken, it was meeting in The Red Lion in Crick in March 1988 that stars certainly did align; Marie and Hugh felt like soulmates, almost immediately shared some digs in Northampton before renting a house in Daventry, and then bought a house there by the August – only five months since their first date and moving into St Andrews Drive for what they’d said would “just be for a short time”, but that and then Burton Close turned into 30 years.
Marie and Hugh said their “I dos” on 27th May 1989, but work almost immediately took him away from home for four nights a week 80 miles south in Harlow. Hugh would only be back for weekends and the odd mid-week night for their first six months as Mr and Mrs, so he made sure he’d make the journey home from future day trips to other depots even if that meant him driving 40,000 miles in one year…
But time together was well-spent… lots of walks, birds to watch, National Trust and English Heritage properties to visit as life members of them and the RSPB… cinemas and theatres to go to, as well as pub quizzes in Harpole at ‘The Live and Let Live’ and ‘The Bull’ with everyone knowing each other and plenty of banter between teams… competing as The Unicorns or The Roquefort Four – or down to The Roquefort Three - and Marie always the look-to for questions on history and especially the Tudors.
There were also plenty of holidays with a peaceful four-miles-per-hour pace of life on canal narrowboats – often with Hugh’s sister Philippa, her husband Roy and their children Julia and Sally, sometimes with Hugh’s mum, or just him and Marie known to start from a boatyard only ten minutes from home, or heading-off to Stratford-upon-Avon which they could have got to by car in half-an-hour, but took four days by boat…
And with Sue and Bob having had a place in Florida, trips shared over there included Marie’s first ride on Splash Mountain at Disney World when Sue and Bob told her she wouldn’t get wet and didn’t need her plastic poncho… until 30 seconds in, she got hit with a huge jet of water and was soaked to the skin… which according to her ten-minutes-older big sister, had never happened before…
Companions for trips away were Marie and Hugh’s basket of stuffed toys – bears, a penguin, a lamb, a dragon, a rabbit and unicorns – and with Ted and Parcel Ted going to Florida, they had their own inflatable yacht to sail in the Florida swimming pool with Bob always trying to sink them, and them winding him up on Facetime calls by waving to him and wanting a wave back - although his was done with only two fingers.
The animals went on every canal trip, up to Sue and Bob’s in Derby and down to their caravan in Bridport, and although they stayed at home for Marie and Hugh’s round-the-world trip in 2015, she took a photo of them and saved it as the wallpaper on her phone… the trip that took in ten flights with the first to Dubai and onwards east, crossing the international dateline to have a 44-hour day, before onwards to meet Sue and Bob in Florida and back home.
But amongst all those amazing times, there had also been complications with Hugh’s health when he became poorly not long after they’d married; those three days short of 30 years when the vows made about sickness and health were honoured both ways, whether standing upright or sitting in wheelchairs.
Hugh had retired in 2005 and with Marie having gone part-time before redundancy, she said she’d give being together all the time a go for a while before deciding about getting another job… but of course with that Gemini-Sagittarius match, it was a perfect and welcome opportunity…
And with Hugh getting the chance to teach Bridge on cruise ships, they went on one or two voyages around Europe every year from 2007 until 2014, including into the Black Sea and following the World War Two convoy route over the top of Russia…
And while Hugh took his Bridge classes, Marie went to all the on-board lectures and concerts, watched the world and its people go by, or sat on deck to read… although her reading usually ended up with her nodding off, and the phrase “Marie’s going for a little read” came to mean “Marie’s going to read for ten minutes and then have a kip”.
The years also saw new branches growing on both side of Marie’s family tree as she became Aunt to Carol and Tim’s Alex and Erik, Sue and Bob’s Alison and Lizzie, and Philippa and Roy’s Julia and Sally… the auntie with the listening ear for Facetime catch-ups with Alison when Hugh was out at Bridge…
And with Emma, Karen, Dave, Marc and Richard also welcomed-in, great-nieces and great-nephews are Lloyd, James, Zac, Imogen and Abigail who can grow up to remember or be told all about this absolute good egg of a kind, caring, helpful and brave lady…
And even during the unexpected, this past year has seen Marie and Hugh’s wish to live by the sea come true; it was when they were walking on a lovely day on the Wirral that they finally made the long-awaited decision to move to somewhere on the coast… and with Bournemouth mid-way between some of his family in Portsmouth and Sue and Bob’s regular visits to their caravan in Bridport, viewing 30 properties found Marie and Hugh their top floor flat for a summer of sunsets to watch from the balcony and the lounge…
That year might have turned out to be the closing chapter of Marie’s life story, but it was a year in a new town with something new to discover every day, all alongside the challenges she faced with a smile on her face and Hugh at her side… and before we take a few minutes with some music and some photos, Hugh has collected his thoughts on that past year which will be shared with us now by his brother-in-law, Bob…
Hugh’s thoughts on Marie’s last year
What is called D-Day in our family is 18th April 2018 and the D stands for diagnosis. Marie had not been well for a couple of months and had had tests at a private hospital in Northampton. On 18th April, she and Hugh went to see the neurologist and were given confirmation that Marie had Motor Neurone Disease.
By this stage, Marie and Hugh had agreed the purchase of their flat in Bournemouth and, after some discussion, they decided to go ahead with the move. This turned out to be the best decision they could have made and they moved home on 17th May 2018.
Marie has received an amazing amount of medical care since the move. On the back of your Order of Service, there is a lengthy list of people who have taken care of her in Dorset. These are the main players and Hugh is hoping he got them all. He offers apologies to anybody whose name has been omitted. As well as the people who have cared for her, Marie has had the use of a great deal of equipment, the most obvious piece being her electric wheelchair, but also especially useful was a device that raised her electrically to a standing position and then supported her while she was being transferred between, for example, a wheelchair and her armchair.
Marie has borne her illness with the greatest fortitude imaginable. She was determined to remain cheerful throughout and make the most of what life in Bournemouth has to offer. By doing this, she made the last year of her life as good as it could have been and the time everybody spent with her as pleasurable as it could have been. She did everything she could to make caring for her as easy as it could be, particularly for Hugh, and constantly and utterly unselfishly put others first so that they did not feel that she was too much of a burden.
Hugh and Marie could not have managed this last year without the help of their family and friends. They have had a constant stream of visitors since the move and have had a great time with everyone who was able to come to see them.
If we go back to the day of the move in May, Marie was able to walk unaided round the flat next door when Roy and Jane invited her in to say hello. At the start of July, she took delivery of her electric wheelchair and this gave her as much independence as she could possibly have. She was able to go for much longer walks and loved being able to drive to the promenade and Westbourne. One of the best things about moving home was that everything in Bournemouth was new and she and Hugh spent hours on the promenade, never tiring of the pleasure of seeing the sea, Old Harry, the pier, the Gardens and the Purbecks.
The end of August was particularly memorable for the Air Show. Roy and Philippa came to stay and we had a great time watching the air displays, especially The Red Arrows, and going to the live music performances.
Time moved on and Marie’s mobility became increasingly worse. In mid-September, she had her last really long journey when she went to Derby for Alison’s 40th birthday party. By the end of September, she could not get into the car and a Wheelchair Accessible Vehicle had to be acquired. This provided another lease of life and enabled Hugh and family to take Marie further afield again for days out. She started going to day-care at the Macmillan Unit at Christchurch Hospital every Thursday so that Hugh got a day off. Her increasing inability to stand and take even the smallest of steps meant that, by mid-October, it was becoming too difficult and unsafe for her to be cared for at home and at the end of the month, she moved to Branksome Park Care Centre.
It would be impossible to undervalue the care that she has received there, particularly during her final days. The deal that she and Hugh made was that she would be taken out of the care home and bought back to the flat for as long as possible and, initially, the care home complained that they never saw her! She came back to the flat or went out almost every day, however, she found long journeys increasingly tiring and her last lengthy outing was to the Etches Museum in Kimmeridge at the end of November.
At the end of December, we had a wonderful family Christmas at the flat. By the time 2019 arrived, Marie was becoming weaker, but we still went out for meals, the cinema, the oceanarium, lots of walks on the prom and had visits from family and friends. The electric wheelchair had a refit to make it easier for Marie to drive and additional controls were added so that a carer could drive if Marie got too tired.
It was a lot of effort for Marie to come home to the flat and she took the decision that she would come only on days when nothing else was happening so that she could enjoy the whole day there. Gradually, she started to reduce the number of times she came back and more and more time was being spent at the care home. She had another wheelchair refit in April because she was finding the chair harder and harder to drive. She must have been in a great deal of pain during this time but she masked it all in order to be able to keep returning to the flat for as long as possible; what she wanted to do by this time was spend time with Hugh in the home they had bought together.
The last time she was able to have the day at home was on Friday 3rd May. She found this day very demanding and took the decision that it was too much for her to do any longer; even the mile and a half car journey was too tiring for her by now. On Saturday 4th May, she yielded to the pain and started on proper pain medication. Tragically, Marie’s older sister, Carol, died on 7th May and Hugh had to go back to the care home late in the evening to break the news to her. To ensure that she had the required medication regularly, she was put onto a syringe driver on 8th May. On the same day, Hugh moved into her room at the care home so he could spend as much time with her as possible and Philippa came and stayed in the flat and visited every day.
As a very vague rule of thumb, people often live for only 5-7 days when they are on a syringe driver; Marie had other ideas. She was receiving regular medication, which was increased when necessary, so the pain was kept at bay and she had some lovely days when she was very cheerful. Roy, Alison and Sally came to visit and Bob and Sue were able to come and visit for a week from the 9th to the 16th. Marie had a great time with them all and we spent the days talking and laughing.
She found it difficult to speak by this time and some fun was had trying to use a simple chart which enabled her to spell words. We have wonderful memories of this week which will stay with us forever.
On the 18th of May, she had a bad day and the amount of medication she was receiving was increased again. This was the last day she was conscious and by the 20th of May, the amount of medication she was receiving would no longer fit into a single syringe and Philippa and Hugh went to Christchurch hospital to collect another one. She had no pain or distress during the final days of her life and died peacefully early in the morning of Friday 24th May with Hugh at her bedside.
“Albatross” by Fleetwood Mac
Perhaps it’s only when we gather together the memories we’ve been talking about today, that we realise and remember just how much Marie did in her time… the happy childhood she’d had as sister and friend; the good fortune of that secretary recognising the match she’d be for Hugh; the homes they shared and the travels they did as they made that world of their own…
And in the future when we think we’ve remembered it all, there will always be another story to tell or one of the countless tiniest of reminders that will bring Marie to mind, sometimes even when we least expect it…
And we need to keep doing things she liked to do; there are more National Trust houses to visit to see with her eyes, still birds to spot, quizzes to go to albeit with points now lost on history, and books to read if only for her ten minutes… and with those and more connections that will help it feel that Marie is never far from us, it’ll be her reminding us that for every reason there is to be sad she has gone, there’s another reason to be glad she was here… and that very thought is captured in some words James will read for us now…
“She Is Gone” by David Harkins, read by James
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and wish that she’ll come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or it can be full of the love you have shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and relive yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she’s gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what Marie would want;
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
So with that thought to keep, it comes towards the time to bring this part of Marie’s day to a close, but to carry her afternoon on at The Orchid Hotel… and let’s all raise a glass on what would have been her 65th birthday on Friday in celebration of the life she enjoyed and we were lucky to share…
We have one more song to play which became a favourite after one of those silly moments when Marie and Hugh were in the car one day, the song came on the radio and she was making Eunice the Unicorn dance in time to it… so if Marie put a positive spring into Eunice’s feet then, she’d be pleased if the song did the same for us today…
I’ll leave first by the doors at the front, you can then follow me and say your own farewell to Marie as you go… Hugh and the family will be the last to leave for a quiet moment before they join everyone outside, so we politely ask that you don’t go in for hugs and handshakes as you pass them, because there’ll be time for those outside and later…
So for our closing words to Marie – some of which are printed in the Service Sheet and we can say together - please will you stand…
Our thanks and farewell to Marie
Marie, just as we’ve been proud to reminisce about just some of your life here this afternoon, you can always look back with huge pride at all you achieved, all you enjoyed and shared along the way, and the good memories you made with us and for us to keep…
But perhaps you should be most proud of the more-than three decades of love you found with Hugh, the special friend and family you have been, and you can go with the comfort of our promise that everyone will stick together and they will be OK…
We let you go with our thanks for more than we can say, and we will not forget you… and with some words from all of us we say together to you…
Everybody says…
We rejoice that you lived, Marie,
And are grateful that you shared your life with us.
Thank you for being a wonderful wife, family member and friend.
We will cherish the memories of our time with you and
We will remember your love, your smile, your kindness and your courage.
May you rest in peace.
“A Message To You, Rudy” by The Specials
Written, compiled & presented by Rob Hazell © 2019 • 07730 403856 • rob@robhazell.co.uk • robhazell.co.uk
Funeral Director – Anna at Tapper Funeral Service, Poole